Home: November 2004 Archives

Thursday, November 25, 2004
better and best

Dear angel,

I was thinking about the differences between our relationship, and those of other people I know. I came to the conclusion that the biggest difference between us and vanilla people isn't that we don't like the same things they do. It's that we like the things we do even more. With that in mind, I thought I'd give you a comparative list of things that are good, better and best, in my estimation.

Playing with your nipples is good.
Playing with your nipples and asking you questions is better.
Playing with your nipples, and forcing you to make choices is best.

Having you suck my cock is good.
Taking a fistful of your hair while you suck my cock is better.
Taking a fistful of your hair, and forcing you to take more of my cock into your
mouth is best.

Holding your hands over your head while we make love is good.
Tying you to the bed while we make love is better.
Tying you to the bed, then teasing you till you beg is best.

Doing it doggy style is is good.
Holding you down while I fuck you from behind, over the side of the bed, is
Tying your hands behind your back, spanking you, THEN fucking you hard is best.

Making you moan is good.
Making you talk dirty is better.
Making you beg for orgasm is best.

Shaving your pussy is good.
Shaving your pussy for you, while you're tied to the bed, is better.
Shaving your pussy for you, while you're tied to the bed, then licking you to
the edge of orgasm before stopping to go out to dinner is best.

Holding your ass as we make love is good.
Spanking your ass as we make love is better.
Spanking your ass, then making you beg for me to fuck you is best.

Letting you touch my neck and hair while I drive is good.
Making you massage my cock, while I drive at night, is better.
Making you suck me by the side of a dark country road is best.

Doing it in the bedroom is good.
Doing it in the living room is better.
Making you want to do it in the elevator is best.

Hearing another couple making love is good.
Hearing another couple spanking, is better.
Spanking you and teasing you so that you know that others can hear you is best.

Making you cum is good.
Making you cum more than once is better.
Making you cum so that you can see yourself is best.

Cuddling on the couch while watching a movie is good.
Playing with your pussy, while we watch a movie is better.
Playing with your pussy while you're on the phone with a friend is best.

Writing you love letters is good.
Writing you love letters, and posting them to my blog is better.
Writing you love letters that tell you what naughty things I'm going to do to you is best.

Playing Trivial Pursuit is good.
Playing strip poker is better.
Playing bondage Scrabble is best.

Knowing you want me is good.
Knowing you love me is better.
Knowing that you know I want to do nasty things to and with you, and loving me for it is best.

So what do you think, angel? Can you add any entries to this list?


posted at 05:55 PM :: permalink :: Comments (20)
filed under musings

Wednesday, November 24, 2004
struggle and satisfaction

Dear angel,

You know, darling, when you are in your brattiest mood, you can be quite a handful. One of the wonderful things about our relationship is that it affords us the freedom to act on many of our fantasies. So when you protested at my friendly swat at your bottom, I got to indulge myself on a number of different levels.

It was wickedly satisfying to hear your yelp of protest. I always think that the verbal element of BDSM is horribly under appreciated. The outrage in your voice when I swatted you the first time was delicious. It made me laugh, which did absolutely nothing for your obedience. The defiance in your voice as you realized that I was intent on continuing against your will thrilled me to no end. You didn't really think I was going to be satisfied with only one stroke, did you, angel? You know me much better than that.

When you rolled over on the bed to cover your bottom, I got to indulge my passion for dominance. I had decided you were to be spanked, and I was going to enforce my will on you. That's the essence of D/s right there. I'd decided what was to be done, and I was going to do it. I knew that you had your safeword to fall back on, but short of that, I was going to make you do what I'd decided. Even if you didn't like it - at first. There's a part of me, while we're playing this way, that thinks I really should stop and just hold you when you protest. But I know you well enough to realize that you really want me to take control. I get to ignore your protests, and I get to ignore the conventions required by society. I get to be naughty, and wicked, and erotic, and mean to you.

Wrestling with you on the bed got me even more aroused. You are such a wriggly bundle when you want to be, angel. You struggled to keep your bottom from my reach, but I was relentless, wasn't I? I could see that you were honestly trying to win. Every time I pulled, you pulled back. Every time I tried to turn you over, you wriggled away, or turned back. When I finally pushed you off the side of the bed, I could hear the triumph in your voice. You were sure that you'd gotten away, weren't you, angel? Were you surprised when I trapped your upper body against the bed? Were you dismayed that I pushed you back onto the bed in a convenient position to be spanked? I don't think so. I think you were happy - I could hear the satisfaction in your voice as you protested.

You wanted to be overpowered, didn't you, my naughty girl? You wanted struggle against me, only to be taken (almost) against your will. You certainly didn't struggle as much once I started spanking that lovely bottom of yours. Oh, you cried out, your protested mightily and loudly. You told me how "not nice" I was to you, and once even called me "mean". Do you know how delighted I was when you caught yourself and had to thank me for my meanness, angel? I get a thrill every time you call me that, and every time you thank me for it. I know you do to, because I can hear it in your voice.

And as I spanked you, watching your bottom become red from the blows of my hand, I could see you getting more and more turned on. When you tried to protect your bottom with your hand, it was easy to trap that hand behind your back. And when I was done with you, I could see how wet and swollen your pussy was from my attentions. You loved that spanking, didn't you darling? It made you all horny, all over again. Of course, that was the point of the spanking, after all.

Now, hopefully I can find my notes before the end of the week. I seem to have left them where I can't get to them for a few days. But I should be able to get them on Thursday, and I'll write more about what I did while searching for you, angel.


posted at 10:01 AM :: permalink :: Comments (1)
filed under events

Thursday, November 18, 2004
seeking and finding, pt. 1

My darling, sexy angel,

You've often asked me how I found you. (Usually, we have just finished a "passionate" encounter, and you're marvelling at how lucky you are ;-). So, in response, I decided to write a brief description of the ways in which I found you online.

Hmmm. Okay - it's not so brief, so I'll post it here in parts. (Gawd, I'm a wordy bastard sometimes...) Who knows, maybe some of our readers will find the information interesting, or useful. If there's enough interest, I'll post the rest of it, too. Readers, if you want to see more of this, let me know, okay?

Advertising myself

1. Write an honest profile. This is a pretty straightforward piece of advice, but I'm constantly surprised by the number of people that oversell themselves, or undersell their baggage.

2. Write an intriguing profile. When planning your profile, try to appeal to her curiousity. Don't put everything into the profile, but give enough information that she's likely to want to ask questions, or make comments.

3. Have respect for women, and show it in your profile. This is a real key for me. I like women, and I appreciate them for what they are, and how they behave. I respect their different perspectives, and don't expect them to behave the way I do, or the way I want them to. And when I write an online profile, I try to communicate this to the reader.

4. Know what I'm looking for in a woman. This should be a no brainer, but it's not, sadly. Too many guys are out there just looking to score, and the anonymity of online dating brings them out in droves. I wasn't looking to score, I was looking for a partner, and a loving relationship. I always kept in mind what I wanted in a woman before I started writing my profile.

5. Identify some make or break components of what you are looking for. For example, I don't have any interest in women that can't hold their own in a coversation, so I said so in one profile. On the one hand, it shows that you aren't desperate, on the other hand, it shows what your values are.

6. Know your competition. This is another truism. I knew I was competing against a huge number of men for each woman. Typical online dating services are much more populated with women than they are with men. It's in my best interest to log on anonymously and look at what kind of ads you are competing against on your service of choice. Once again, this helped me determine how to write my profile, so that I stood out.

7. Show some class. There's no need for crudity, or overly-suggestive text in the profile. Too many men think that a woman looking to meet someone online is only looking for sex, and the IQ of their conversation drops through the floor. If I was only looking to add notches to my bedpost, or if I was desperate (which can sometimes be the same thing), this might be sufficient. But if I wanted to attract a woman to be with for a long term relationship, I had to show class. Simple rules - don't brag about previous relationships. do talk about now - what I'm looking for, where I'm hoping it will lead, and what I could bring to a relationship.

8. Don't put lewd pictures in your profile and don't put pictures of body parts in your profile. I could NOT believe that guys had actually posted pictures of their "equipment" online. Did they really think that women would be attracted by that? It shows NO respect for the women, and that's going to be a turn off for many of the women that I wanted to attract.

Approaching women online

1. I realize that, vanilla or kinky, an available woman is going to have many, many potential suitors - usually at the same time. My opening line had to catch her attention. On many services, you may only get a few sentences to get her interest before she decides that someone else is worth a chat.

2. I always read her profile before trying to contact her. I don't mean just look at the statistics, I actually read the text that she's written to describe herself. If there's no text, it meant that odds are she's not going to respond when approached.

3. I would read her whole profile, and think about whether I was a match with her or not. Some services have several different areas to enter text on a profile. I always read all of the text before chatting. Important information may be gleaned, and you may find out something that indicates that the two of you won't be a match. Besides, she went to all that trouble to write it, I can at least read it before I try to chat with her.

4. Approach with a reference to something in her profile. Many men online will just use opening lines like "Hey baby" or "R U there?". I try to be a little bit more topical, and catch her attention by referencing her profile. It shows that I'm interested in HER, not in just any available female.

5. Try to make her laugh. Frequently, I'd make a witty comment on something in her profile, or ask a question in a funny way. I look at the world at a bit of a slant, so it's not hard for me to find something funny to say about most profiles I've seen. If I could get them to laugh, then most of the time they'd give me a chance.

6. Sometimes, I'd try to make her think with my opening line. Or I'd tell her that she made ME think with something she wrote in her profile. Once again, this is something that many guys online won't do, so I'd try to strike up an intelligent online conversation. It set me apart from the crowd, apparently, because I had a lot of very interesting chats.

7. Whenever possible, I'd try to chat online with women, rather than send emails. Most services allow email conversations, but I found that it's better (and often much cheaper) to make initial contact via online chat. It's more interactive, and gives you a better idea of who you're dealing with. I'd often see (and show) more honest reaction via chat. After all, anyone can take four hours to craft a careful response to an email, but the spontaneous responses in chat show more of the real character of the person.

8. It took me a while to realize that, in the world of online dating services, the guy is the one that has to make the approach and spend the money. It's a chauvanistic thing to say, but it's been my experience. Women have the choices, men have to make themselves seen. I would initiate chats with women that seemed interesting, but I'd have to be prepared to keep them online by spending more credits. By going online, I widened my circle of prospective dates, and it was worth the money to establish and prolong the conversations.

9. Be patient. No one is going to rush into anything. By not expecting things to hurry along, I was more often pleasantly surprised - which is better than being disappointed. I always tried to remember that the woman I was chatting with has to be made to feel that she's going to be safe before they even agree to meet me for a vanilla date.

That's it for today, angel. There's more, and I'm hoping that my readers will post comments to let me know that they want to read the rest. It was a long process to find you, angel, but every time I see you smile, I know that it was worth every step of the journey.


posted at 10:14 AM :: permalink :: Comments (7)
filed under musings

Thursday, November 11, 2004
pleasure and tears

Dear angel,

We've been together for over four months now, and in that time, I've been closely monitoring your behaviour and reactions in different situations. I've learned to read certain signs of stress and tension. So, when I showed up for our date this week, I knew that something was up. And I knew that I could do something about it.

The evening started with a trip shopping. You told me that you were in a "pink mood", and had dressed in as much pink as you could find. As you dressed, you came out of the bedroom from time to time, and looked at yourself in the mirror. Now, since you wear pink to cheer yourself up, I thought that something might be up.

Once you were dressed, you started getting ready to go out, and I watched as your mood went from "glad to see me" to "bratty". It made me smile, as it always does, when you tried to sass me at every opportunity. I love that verbal teasing as much as you do. Especially since I know what to do about it if it gets out of hand.

When we returned, after a lovely dinner and conversation, I settled down on the couch with you to watch the movie I'd brought over. It was a sequel to something we'd both enjoyed, and it became obvious that you weren't enjoying the second movie as much as the first. But you kept watching it, waiting to see the outcome, waiting to see how the director was going to knit together all of the loose threads left in the first movie. When you got up for a break, half way through the movie, I figured that you weren't quite in the mood for the subject of the movie. So I decided to do something to improve your mood.

You sat at your computer, reading your email, as I moved behind you. I could feel you stiffen as my fingers stroked your nipples through your shirt. You tried to concentrate on the screen, but I was having none of that. Round and round my fingers circled, inexorable and, apparently, pleasant. Your soft moans of pleasure were soon heard and the email forgotten. Then I stopped and told you to come back to the movie.

You cuddled up with me on the couch to watch the movie, and I continued to play with your nipples as we watched. Gentle touches and occassional pinches kept you distracted till just before the climax of the movie. When you got up again, I knew that you didn't really want to watch the movie. When you returned and sat on my lap, facing me, I knew that you wanted something else. When you denied that you wanted it, I ordered you into the bedroom.

Were you disappointed when I tied your hands behind your back, angel? You didn't struggle at all. Were you surprised when I ordered you to bend over the bed, angel? Your protests sounded weak to me. Were you surprised when your skirt was lifted up off that lovely ass of yours? I don't think that you were. Your indignation was mild. And when I started to spank you, I could hear the relief in your voice as you counted each stroke for me.

The first few strokes definitely seemed to bring you into the moment. Gone was the distraction that had been pulling your attention far far away. Suddenly, you were focussing your attention on *now*, and all the things that have been demanding your attention lately seemed less important. As the strokes continued to fall, your voice changed a little. You were warming up to the spanking, and the work I was doing with my fingers was mixing pleasure with the sting. And by the last five strokes, I could see that I'd had the desired effect on you.

When I was finished, I had you stand up and face me. You looked so beautiful, angel. When I looked at you, and saw what you were feeling, I felt so very protective of you. I was proud of you for having taken all those strokes without losing count. And then the tears started to come.

I held you as you cried on my shoulder. I could feel so much tension leaving you as you did that, angel, that I was glad that I'd spanked you. I know how much you hate to cry in front of me, or in front of anyone, angel, but I knew you needed it. I held you close as the tears flowed, and laid with you till your need reasserted itself. I told you how much I admired you for shouldering your burdens. And I told you that I was there if you needed me, for anything.

And when your need awoke again, I took you, roughly and long, and showed you how very much I love you. I know that you've got a lot on your plate, angel. I know that you tend to bottle up your frustrations and fears inside yourself. But I'm not going to be angry if you cry. I'm not going to be disappointed, either. Or hurt, or turned off, or scared. I know you need to cry, angel.

I know you get a release when you cry, and you cry after I spank you. Don't be afraid to do that, angel. I don't think you're weak for crying. I'm grateful that I could reach that part of you that you shut off from the world. I'm proud that you're able to show your weaker side, when you show such strength and competence to the rest of the world. I'm honored when you choose my shoulder to cry on, and let *me* help you get through this part of your life.

I love all of you, angel. The weak parts with the strong. The brat with the obedient sub. You are my angel, and I am incredibly lucky to share my life with you.


posted at 11:51 AM :: permalink :: Comments (5)
filed under events

Saturday, November 06, 2004
preparations and pleasures

Dear angel, so very far away.

I miss you very much, darling. It's been far too long since I was in the same room with you. It's been too long since I kissed you, and my mind has been wandering of late.

I think of things that I want to do with you. I look at my list and immediately start adding to it. I think about times we have been together, and my heart beats faster, knowing how much you love me, and knowing how much I love you. I am a very lucky man, angel.

I find myself making plans for our upcoming four day weekend, things that I want to do during that time. Have I mentioned how very excited I am that we're going to have four, hopefully uninterrupted days to explore each other and our relationship. I have so many plans, it can be hard to sort them out sometimes.

I know that you wonder, sometimes, how much or how little I plan a scene. It varies, from day to day, and from scene to scene. Sometimes, I decide that I'm going to take you, and just let events flow from experience to experience. I may tie your hands behind your back, then tease your nipples to get you all excited. I know how much you enjoy pleasuring me, so I frustrate that and do it to you instead. Once I see how you react, I will decide what to do to you next. Will I have you suck my cock, or will I push you down onto the bed and lick you to orgasm? The decision is made at the spur of the moment, based on your reactions, and my whims.

Other times, I have a scene that I play in my head for a while, refining it step by step, until I've got it all thought out. Then I'll make the appropriate preparations, and choose the night to carry it out. Usually, when I've got something in mind, I spend the evening getting you into the right mood, with teasing, innuendo, and touching. Maybe I'll whisper things to you in line to see a movie. Or I'll gently run my fingers over your arm. Or I'll tease you outrageously at dinner in a restaurant.

And when we get home, I'll continue the scene, taking it to the next logical step. The hardest part, once I've planned it out, is getting you to do what I want you to do before you realize what I'm trying to do. Pushing your buttons to bring out the brat in you, so that I can put you over my knee and spank you. Getting you turned on and excited so that I can make you tell me that you want me, and what you want me to do. Or letting you get lost in your computer, reading your email and surfing the web, so that I can suddenly drag you from that for a little bondage and rough sex.

There are also times where I have to adjust my plans because of outside pressures, or misread reactions. I'll have one thing in mind, and for whatever reason, I won't be getting a reaction I expected from you. Sometimes, I'll change my plans, and try to get you into the mood I'm trying for, and sometimes, I'll just abandon the plans and go with the flow. Does this make me less dominant? I don't think so. It makes me a better lover, I hope. After all, I'm trying to bring you pleasure as much as I'm trying to take my own pleasure from you.

Taking pleasure can be sweet. When you're reluctant, or busy, or bitchy, and I can push you down and take pleasure from you, it's a powerful rush. Feeling your body react, and hearing your voice change as the lust takes over is wonderful. And ordering you to pleasure me with your hands, or with your mouth, is delicious. Watching your face through my own pleasure, ordering you to do different things and seeing your concentration as you try to follow my orders is incredibly erotic.

Giving you pleasure can be just as sweet. In fact, it may even be sweeter for me. Watching your face as your resolve crumbles under my ministrations is a different kind of pleasure. Hearing you beg for me to continue, begging for my tongue, or my fingers, or my cock reaches something deep inside me. And making you helpless is especially sensuous for me. There's something immensely satisfying about seeing you, bound and helpless, and watching as you orgasm, your belly and legs trembling, your mouth open and moaning, and your head thrown back in reaction.

But, best of all are those scenes where I'm giving you pleasure by taking it from you. When you're tied up and helpless, and I'm slowly (ever so slowly) fucking you and watching you get more and more frantic beneath me. Or when I tease you to the edge of orgasm, and make you say things about yourself that you'd never admit in the cold, clear light of day, then filling your sopping pussy and hearing you moan in pleasure at the same time as I feel you spasming around me. Or feeling your pussy twitch and tighten every time I hit you with the flogger, and knowing that it's driving you deeper and deeper into subspace, and closer and closer to orgasm.

Any twit can take pleasure. Many lovers know how to give pleasure. But by sharing pleasure, you more than double the pleasure each feels. It's a case of one plus one making more than two. Your pleasure feeds my pleasure, and mine feeds yours, and we end up with more than the sum of the parts.

This sharing of pleasure isn't always easy. In too many cases, people end up either giving or taking, and that feedback is lost. It takes a special bond to share pleasure consistently, and I treasure the fact that I have that bond with you, angel. I try to give you as much pleasure as I receive from you. I try to make you as happy as you make me, every day.

Darling angel, I miss you terribly, and I can't wait for you to come home.


posted at 11:25 PM :: permalink :: Comments (3)
filed under observations

Wednesday, November 03, 2004
actions and reasons, pt. 1

Dear angel,

I've been thinking of some of the things that I do in my role as the dominant male in our relationship. I've been inspired by Bliatz's "Mind Clit" post, and I've decided to describe and try to explain some of these things. Some of them are overtly sexual, but many of them are not. You probably have noticed all of these things, but you may not have understood the reasoning behind them.

Pull your hair - gently - in public.
Sometimes when we're in a hidden spot in a store, or when we're sitting together on a subway, or when we're waiting in line.

Tell you when you're being a brat.
I love it when you're a brat, and you love playing the role. But when I tell you you're a brat, you know that I've got the authority over you.

Put you over my knee and spank you for being a brat.
This lets you know when you've gone too far, and it lets you know that you can be as free and naughty as you want to be, because I'll be there to keep you in line.

Tease you, verbally, whenever possible.
I misinterpret what you say, I use double entendres whenever possible, and I remind you of things we've done together whenever the subject goes anywhere near them.

Hold the back of your neck when I kiss you.
It's a deliberate sensual act that stimulates sensitive spots on your skin, and also reminds you of my power.

Take a fist full of hair when I kiss you.
You love the feeling, and I love the way it gives me control of your head. When I've got your hair in my fist, *I* decide when the kiss is over, not you.

Take a fist full of hair when you have my cock in your mouth.
You react differently when you're sucking my cock and your hair is pulled. You get more aggressive, more blatantly sexual, than when you're sucking it on your own.

Tie you to the bed, and pleasure you.
One of my favourite things to do to you, angel. Seeing you helpless, and seeing the look in your eyes, and hearing the different voice you use when you're tied, is intoxicating.

Pause during sex, and make you beg me to keep going.
This is one of your favourite things that I do - even if you won't admit it, angel. And when you realize that I've got all the power, and you have to do what I asked or do without the pleasure, your attitude changes, and you become more wanton than before.

Hold you down with one hand while I spank you with the other.
There's something powerful in doing this. Sometimes the hand is on your neck, sometimes it's in your hair. Sometimes you struggle, but usually, you just whimper and moan during the spanking.

Make you cry by spanking you.
There's something wonderful in this, because you're not crying because I spanked you. Its crying from release of some sort, according to what you tell me. Afterwards, once I've stopped spanking you, you're embarassed, but obedient and passionate. It's taken me a while to understand your reaction, angel, because at first I thought you were'nt enjoying it. But I know now that you want and need this, and I think it's a wonderful part of our play together.

Make you stop talking when you start to babble to me.
Yes, angel, sometimes, you babble. Sometimes you start talking about something, and change subjects before we've finished discussing them. And when you do, interrupt you, and firmly place the conversation back where I want it to be.

These are only some of the things that I do, and I'll post more at a later time. Can you think of things that you do that are similar, angel? I know that there are some things that you do deliberately to make me feel dominant, but are you aware of them?


posted at 12:15 PM :: permalink :: Comments (5)
filed under observations

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