Home: December 2004 Archives

Monday, December 20, 2004
updates and adjustments

Dear, darling angel,

It's happened. The Christmas season has snuck up and pounced on me, yet again. Every year, at this time, I seem to get swamped with responsibilities, changes, and the occassional weirdness.

This year, I'm just starting a new job, and it's taking some time to adjust to my new schedule. As a result, I'm shockingly behind in my letter writing. I know that you're happy for me, angel, as you showed me so thoroughly last week, but I'm not happy with myself. (I'm just as hard on myself as I am on you to complete your assignments, after all.) I have no doubt that when things settle down in the new year, I'll be back to writing you letters on a more regular basis.

The bondage Scrabble rules hang in limbo right now. (Hmmm - suspension play - now there's a thought!) They're a little too... complicated right now, and I want to take some time to simplify them. I know that you are anxious to read them, but I want them to be a little bit more playable.

I know that things are just as confused in your world, angel. We were going to go out to dinner with a friend of mine on Friday, and both our schedules got a little away from us, didn't they?

Your last email to me on Friday showed me just how frustrated and confused you were feeling. You'd been on the phone all afternoon with business calls, and I could read the increasing frustration in your text. Customers were giving you problems to deal with, they weren't doing what you wanted them to, and I know you were feeling frazzled.

Then there was the fact that we'd be having dinner with a friend of mine for the first time. As much as part of you loves the idea of being on display, another part of you is much shyer in meeting my friends. And this is NOT helped by the frustration you were feeling that day with the people on the other end of your business calls.

Do you ever wonder, angel, if you have a bad day because you want to be in a cranky mood, or if you have a bad day because you were in a cranky mood? I think it's a mix of both.

When I told you that friends of mine wanted to have dinner with us on Friday, I know that you were a little bit non-plussed. I heard it in your voice. That sort of "but I wanted to snuggle with you on the couch!" tone was there, but you said that you'd love to go. I know that my friends were very glad to have met you at the birthday party the other week. They've been curious about this angel I kept telling them about. But that puts you on the spot, doesn't it, angel?

So, when my new job was taking longer than expected to finish for the week, and your email came in telling me that you'd take longer to get ready than expected, I wasn't surprised - or disappointed.

But when I got to your place, I could see that you were expecting me to say something, or do something. You kept looking down at the floor when you talked to me. You were ready with excuses and reasons. That's why I took you into the bedroom, darling. That's why I had you stretch out across my lap. Not because I was upset with you, but because you needed a spanking to clear the air.

You were so good, sitting across my lap as I spoke to you. You were very clear on why you were getting a spanking. You even managed to take the first five strokes without whimpering. But then I started spanking faster, didn't I? It started to sting a little bit, from what I could tell. There's a wonderful rhythm that I get into when I start spanking you. First one cheek, then the other, then back again. And I could see that it was starting to penetrate your sulk. Especially when you reached back to protect your ass with your hand.

You know that's not allowed, don't you, angel? You weren't really surprised to find your hand trapped behind your back, were you? Once your hand was secured in mine, I started up again. And shortly after that, you started to cry. Deep, cleansing sobs into the pillows you were lying on. When I heard those sobs, I stopped spanking you, and let you lay across my lap. I listened to you sob, and I knew that you were getting out all the frustration and anger that you've been dealing with all week. I stroked your back, and your hair, while you cried. I told you that I was pleased with you, that your punishment was finished, and let you calm down until you could manage to pull yourself together.

I could see the change in you after that, angel. You'd become freer in some way than you'd been all week. I could see that something had lifted from your shoulders, and we had a lovely evening cuddling on the couch. And when we went to bed that night, I tried to show you how much I loved you, how much I cherish your presence in my life. It was a lovely weekend, angel, and I can't wait to spend time with you again, as soon as possible.

It's going to be chaotic for the next while, what with Christmas, my new job, and my vanilla life all in a muddle, but I'll soon be able to spend more time with you. I'm looking forward to giving you your Christmas presents, and seeing your smile as you open each one. Know that I'm thinking of you, and take care of yourself, angel.


posted at 08:53 PM :: permalink :: Comments (3)
filed under events

Monday, December 13, 2004
gifts and giving

Dear angel,

Christmas is coming, and you know what that means. Yep - it's gift giving time. Not only that, but it's also shopping time! I know how much you like shopping (it's *all* about the shopping, isn't it, angel?) but I like to get things for you too. So, here is a list of things that you might get given for Christmas.


posted at 09:18 PM :: permalink :: Comments (12)
filed under musings

Monday, December 06, 2004
birthdays and gifts

Dearest birthday angel,

Is it me, or are you getting more beautiful and lovable the longer we're together? On your birthday, I am reminded of how lucky I was to find you.

It's funny to hear you saying all the same things I did when I turned 33. (It seems so long ago. It's adorable to see you sticking out your tongue when I tease you about this too. And it's going to be adorable to hear you squeal while I give you your birthday spanking.

I'd love to give you the spanking before we go out to dinner. It would be so delicious to be meeting your friend for the first time, knowing that you were in a bit of - discomfort - due to my attentions. I have a late appointment, so I may not be able to give you a pre dinner spanking - but I promise that I'll make up for it after dinner, angel. Of course, I'll no doubt be alluding to that fact throughout dinner, just to see you squirm.

It's a fact that teasing, and wordplay, and anticipation all lead to more enjoyable lovemaking for you, angel. When I taunt you in public, whispering promises in your ear while we're at a birthday party, or holding your hand behind your back as I kiss you in line at a movie, I know that you get incredibly turned on by the D/s elements of our public play. When I smack your ass on the escalator, coming up from the subway, I know it sends a delicious thrill throughout you. I know this, and it's frequently the reason that I do these things, angel.

Every day with you is a gift. When I met you, I found someone that I can talk to, play with, and love. You're a wonderful friend, as well as a wonderful lover. I hope you know how happy you make me, and I hope I make you just as happy. You keep telling me that I'm the only birthday present you want, but you KNOW I can't let your birthday go by without getting you something that will make you laugh.

I'm a very lucky man to have met you, angel. I know that the coming year is going to be a good one for you. You're growing, and learning, and becoming more and more lovable, every day. Happy birthday, angel.


posted at 10:12 AM :: permalink :: Comments (6)
filed under events

Friday, December 03, 2004
seeking and finding, pt. 2

Dear angel,

While I'm working out the finer details of Bondage Scrabble (by popular demand), I thought I'd post part two of my advice for those seeking kinky partners through online dating services. As always, these are the rules and guidelines that were successful for me when I was looking for you, and they may or may not work for anyone else.


Once you've managed to attract her attention, there's a few things to keep in mind while you chat.

1. Be yourself, as much as possible. This is critical. If you are "playing a role", you WILL be found out, sooner or later. Why waste her time and your money by pretending to be something you aren't. If you're brash and agressive, don't pretend to be sensitive and thoughtful. And vice versa, of course.

2. Learn how to convey sarcasm, humour, and such in an online chat medium. Remember, when you are typing the words out, she can't hear your tone of voice.

3. Flirt with her. She's going to want to be wooed, so expect it up front.

4. Move slowly. Everyone is going to have different expectations of what's going on.

5. When you feel ready, make a move, and start trying to appeal to her sexuality. **THIS DOES NOT MEAN TELLING HER ABOUT YOUR PREVIOUS ENCOUNTERS**

6. Try not to fall into any of the obvious traps of online chat. "What are you doing? What are you wearing?", etc. Try to be a little more creative and original than that.

7. Try to introduce areas of mutual interest in the conversation. After all, you DID read her profile, didn't you? You DID chat with women that were interesting to you, didn't you? You want MORE than just a bed partner, don't you?

8. Don't ask for a picture right off. See if there's mutual interest first. Yeah, you may end up chatting with women that are not attractive to you, but asking too early for a picture identifies you as a horndog. (BTW - 2 sentences in is WAY too early, guys. Give it five or ten minutes before you ask...)

9. Never send risque pictures *unless asked to do so*. (Yes, I have been asked on more than one occassion for risque pictures. No, angel wasn't the one asking.) This means don't have them in your profile. That's right, no pictures of "your little friend", please. She probably won't be interested, because women don't tend to be nearly as visually oriented as we men are.

10. When there is a level of comfort between the two of you, try to move the conversation off of the dating service. Move to MSN, or email. Or ask for a phone number, if there is sufficient connection. This will probably make for a more focussed conversation, on both your parts.

11. Tell her your real first name early in the conversation. Yeah, I know, it can be scary to do this. But it definitely shows that you're looking for something more real.

12. When you're chatting with her - FOCUS ON HER. That means that you don't want to be having 12 chats at once. She'll realize what's going on, and it sends a negative message. If you're in too many chats at once, pick one or two, and focus on them. Don't keep bouncing from chat window to chat window - you'll mix them up, or take too long to respond, and lose the opportunity.


Okay - so you've attracted someone's attention. She's indicated that she's kinda interested in you, and now you enter what I call the negotiation phase. The length of time that passes is going to vary from woman to woman. Some are going to be adventurous, and will be willing to meet you after one or two chats. Most are going to be more cautious, requiring several days of chat, along with email and/or phone calls.

1. Set the expectations. If you are seriously committed to something, let her know up front.

2. Discuss the "tone" of play that you are looking for. Do you want play to be something along the lines of an interrogation scene? Or are you more interested in controlling the timing of her orgasms? Do you want expect to call her humiliating names? Or do you want something else. Give her an idea of what to expect from a scene. And figure out what SHE wants from the scene, too.

3. Discuss limits and squicks. There's nothing worse than finding out half way through a scene that she's seriously squicked by something you just did, or are about to do. Communicate, communicate, communicate.

4. Discuss your experience level. If you are a newbie Dom, then let her know early in the discussion. (Hopefully, you've also put this in your profile.) If you've been playing for 20 years, let her know that too. And find out how long she's been playing.

5. Talk about favourite activities. If you seriously enjoy bondage (like I do!), then let her know. Try to get her to describe her favourites, too. Just because she's submissive doesn't mean she shouldn't have some say in what happens, after all. (Who would stay in a relationship that didn't include activities that she liked?)

6. Discuss WHY you like some of the things you like. This will help her understand your particular kink, and let her see if it's compatible with hers.

7. Realize that at any point, she may bail on the discussion and disappear. Yeah, it's annoying. Yeah, it's rude. But it's also a fact of life that you'd best get used to. There are 10 men for every woman in the world of online dating. The fact of the matter is that if you squick her, or treat her without respect, she'll disappear into the net without a word. DO NOT HARASS HER IF SHE DOES. Send her a polite email/message wishing her well on her search.

8. Look out for women that don't really know what they're looking for. If you have accepted your kinky side, and you've decided that it's an integral part of you, and therefore of any relationship you enter, then you don't want to get involved with someone who's probably going to have "an adventure" and disappear. The "idea" of being a submissive can be much more attractive than the reality for some people. There's nothing wrong with having adventures, but I tended to be looking for something long term.

9. Look out for women who want to be submissive to work through their own issues of insecurity or past history. You are not a therapist. (And even if you are, do you really want to date someone that you should be seeing professionally?)

Wow - I'm a wordy bastard, aren't I? Every time I look at this list, I realize more things that I want to add to it, then I realize how long it's getting. It wasn't easy finding you, angel, and there were more than a few misadventures along the way. The final result was worth it, though, darling. I'm very happy that I've found you, and I'm very much looking forward to seeing you more (and seeing more of you ;-) )when our workload drops again after the holiday rush.


posted at 04:29 PM :: permalink :: Comments (6)
filed under observations

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