Home: January 2005 Archives

Thursday, January 27, 2005
dominance and strength

Dear darling angel,

The other day, I told you that I thought you were one of the most dominant women I know. Needless to say, you were surprised, and you asked me to write a post explaining the reasons for that opinion to you. Hmmm. I've called you a brat on more than one occassion. (Okay, I call you a brat VERY often.) But what other terms would I use to describe you?

Let's see. You're one of the strongest people I know. For someone facing so many challenges and crises in her life, you show remarkably little tendency to engage in self-pity. It's one of the things that most attracts me to you. I can see that you have an inner belief in yourself. It's one of the things about myself that I most treasure. I lost it for a while, but I've gotten it back again, and I'm never going to lose that sense of self again.

First off, you run your own business. From time to time, I've watched you as you deal with your customers, and your business associates, either on the phone or via email. I've watched your reaction to someone trying to steal your ideas and invade your market by recycling your own materials, and I've been impressed with the strength and decisiveness you've shown. When you've been faced with either non-cooperative, or downright obstructionist partners, you've stuck to your guns, and worked toward getting what YOU want. This is not a matter of ego, of having to be the top dog all the time. This has, so far, been about doing the right thing, at the right time.

And that's another thing that I love about you, angel. You have some firmly held beliefs, but they're backed with fact, rather than emotion. You aren't afraid to argue these beliefs with me when we've differed. You are far from afraid to challenge me. Do you know how precious that is, angel? Do you know how attractive that single characteristic is to me? I am a strong willed man, but I won't stay that way unless I'm challenged. Use it or lose it applies to more than just muscle tone and freedom.

When you're wrong, you'll admit it. Admit it and take any consequences that come. I've seen you have to reorder your thinking to accomodate new information, and it makes me feel very lucky to have such an intelligent, flexible woman in my life. Because a smart person DOES change their opinions based on new information. A strong person DOES have the ability to change their thinking when they discover that the universe doesn't quite match up with their perceptions of it. And a wise person DOES have the ability to recognize the need to change.

But when I've made a decision and put my foot down, you respect my position. I sometimes have to demonstrate just how firm my belief is, but I respect that. If I'm not able to defend my positions, or I'm not willing to stand by them, then they're probably not that important to me. But when it's important, I, like you, won't back down.

There's a difference between being dominant, and being domineering.

People tend to avoid domineering bullies, but they tend to want to be around dominant leaders.

You, dearest angel, are a dominant sub. That is, you are dominant in social situations, and submissive in your relationship with me. When you interact with other people, you have a natural tendency to challenge them. This does not mean that you are going to run roughshod over everyone you meet, but you do like to challenge their assumptions on a regular basis. Sometimes you make outrageous jokes. Sometimes you interrupt them. Sometimes you contradict their assumptions when you're trying to make a point. Challenge, challenge, challenge.

And when someone challenges you right back, your eyes light up. I've seen you, with your friends, when you get challenged. It's like you live for that feeling, that knowledge that someone isn't going to let your run over them. You love being around those that know what they're talking about. You love trying to see the limits of that knowledge, and you're not afraid to show off your own.

Yes, you are submissive. You love to be made to submit, though. You don't just give me what I want, I have to take it from you. I have to make you submit. Sometimes I do it through force of will, and sometimes I do it through my actions. I see you pushing me, baiting me with your words and sharp tongue. I see the way you light up when I respond, and the way you keep pushing me when I don't react.

Sometimes, I catch you at it, and decide to head you off, either by changing the subject, or by touching you in certain ways, or sometimes, by looking at you in a particular way. I see the way you react when I fight back. First, there's a look of surprise. Then there's sometimes a tinge of outrage. Then, finally, there's satisfaction. When I reinforce my position, and keep you in line, you glow. I love to see that glow. You're so happy when it happens, like you feel safe, and protected, and wanted. But I have to earn that glow from you - you never just give it away.

You respect self confidence, you respect competence, and you respect knowledge. You are independent, fiesty, and don't suffer fools if you can help it. You are smart as a whip, quick as lightning, and sexy as hell, angel. And it's a lot of fun trying to keep ahead of you.

Neko

posted at 09:48 PM :: permalink :: Comments (5)
filed under musings

Wednesday, January 19, 2005
weekends and discoveries

Dearest angel,

It's not tremendously often that you get a chance to learn something truly new about yourself at my (advanced) age. ;-) So when it happens, I'm more than a little thrilled about it. When it happens to you, I'm even more thrilled to watch you as you realize it.

I think that the last time it happened to me was about a year before I met you. Being single, I'd been making the rounds of the different online dating services. I'd been chatting with a woman, who I'll call L, online. The conversation went about as normal, when two people are seriously looking for someone to spend time with. We exchanged pictures, talked about likes, dislikes and fantasies, and generally had a good time getting to know each other.

Now, up to this point, I thought of myself as a man with a kink (i.e. a fondness for rope in the bedroom) and I hadn't thought too much about the depth of that kink. But when L sent me her phone number and asked me to call her, I did something different. For one of the first times in my life, I followed my impulse to take charge. The results were rather surprising to me.

L and I hit it off on the phone. She had a really sexy voice, and was intensely curious about all kinds of aspects of the BDSM lifestyle. Having done a lot of reading, I was glad to talk to her about a variety of different subjects. Before long, I was telling her, step by step, what I'd do to her if we ever met.

The conversation quickly became erotic, and it was *SO* gratifying to listen to her moan as I told her a bedtime story. By now, it was very late at night, and I was getting more and more turned on by the sounds she was making, and the reactions she was having to my words. For once, I didn't pull back and make the story vanilla-ish. I let the story carry itself, and more or less followed it as it flowed. Before long, L was gasping and groaning in the phone, and I knew that I'd tapped into a fantasy she'd been harbouring for a long time. I told her how I was going to tie her up and spank her, and kept giving her more details about what I'd do. Before long, I got to listen to L as she orgasmed.

I learned then, that not only are my fantasies enjoyable to me, but they're enjoyable to others as well. I learned the benefit of being honest with your fantasies, and to remain true to what you want to be. I never thought, before meeting L, that I could be truly dominant. I knew that I was kinky, and I knew that I liked tying up women for erotic purposes, but I never realized just how dominant I wanted to be.

There I was, in my late thirties, discovering that I loved being in control, and deciding just how much or how little my partner would feel. Whether she'd feel pleasure or pain from me. And how many times she would feel that way. It was more than a little enjoyable, then angel, to give you so many orgasms this weekend. Especially when, as you put it, "That doesn't ever happen to me."

On Friday night, I was more than a little happy to see you. It had been a long week, and you'd been unable to see me for a variety of reasons. Between your business, and my new job, we haven't been able to get together as often as I'd like. I was thrilled, then, to meet you after work on Friday, and spend the evening gettting "reacquainted" with you. It was obvious, from your reactions, that you'd missed me too, and the evening quickly passed.

Saturday was increcibly cold, and most of it was spent shopping and returning Christmas gifts. (Yes - that's right folks - I like to go shopping with my angel. And no, they haven't taken away my male union card yet...) You were so much fun to watch, as we went from store to store, looking at this, thinking about that, and all the while, I was thinking about touching your naked skin. By mid afternoon, I was ready to return to the apartment to warm up for a while, and I couldn't think of a better way to warm up than to hold you, naked, in my arms.

Before long, we were in bed, and we started touching each other, all over. Your hand quickly found my cock, and wrapped around it. I could feel you, exploring the soft skin, and gently running your fingertips over it. You are always so worried that you'll hurt me, or make me uncomfortable, angel, but you needn't worry. I'm nowhere near as sensitive to the touch as you are. I told you to grip me hard, and you started to obey, but then I started to touch you.

Running my fingers lightly over your skin is an incredible rush for me. I love the feel of your skin under my fingertips. I feel the warmth of you as I run my fingers across your neck, down between your breasts, and across your belly. You close your eyes every time I do this, and that's before I start touching your breasts. And when I touch your breasts, you stumble over your words. You can't complete sentences, let alone thoughts, from what you've told me. Your face changes when I circle your nipples with my fingers. It becomes softer, and more relaxed, as I circle them again and again.

My fingers wandered... other places, and soon you were gasping and moaning. And completely under my control. Your hand was still wrapped around my cock, and you were sliding the skin up and down as I played with your pussy. Your cries, in the afternoon sunlight, were more than a little gratifying, and afterwards, I held you as you calmed down, and cuddled you close till we both fell asleep.

Later that night, after we'd both woken up and had dinner, I took you again into the bedroom. This time, I was a little more insistent. I'd started touching you again, and you'd eventually put your hand over your breast, and mumbled something about it being too much. I took your wrist in my other hand, and returned to what I'd been doing, telling you that you had no say in it. Before long, you were moaning and writhing again. This time, I teased you more, pausing a number of times, to offer to stop. For some reason, you didn't want me to stop. (I wonder why that was????) As you came closer and closer to orgasm, you seemed to pause, like you'd stumbled on the way to your pleasure. I pressed my efforts harder, and soon regained the right rhythm, and was rewarded with a wonderful performance by my angel.

You moaned, you cried out, you threw your head back. You tried your best to wrench your hand from my grip, but I held you firmly. Your hips bucked, and you finally screamed in orgasm, and shuddered back to reality. And when you came back to yourself, you told me "That never happens to me - not twice in one day."

I chuckled and told you that I was sure you could do more.

And, the next morning, before I left to visit a customer, I took you to bed again. This time, my mouth was on your skin. My tongue was inside your mouth, and I held you close, and it was sweet. And then I was beside you, and it was sweeter. And when you shuddered, and shook, and came, for the third time in less than twenty four hours, I was incredibly satisfied. Your face seemed to glow afterwards, and you were unable to stop yourself from touching me. I had to leave you, reluctantly, to head to my appointment.

But before I left, I reminded you that you'd had three orgasms in less than twenty four hours. Your look of incedulity was delicious. Your look of shock, when I told you we'd try for four next time was even better. And the fact that you were incredibly aroused afterwards, and eager to please me even more was everything I could hope for.

You can do more than you think, angel. You can, and will, experience more intense, more prolonged, more pleasurable things in the near future. I promise you that. Because, as I discovered earlier, with the right partner, and trust, you can go further than you dared hope. You can accomplish more than you give yourself credit for, if you've got the right person to share it with.

You are so precious to me, angel. I plan on showing you how much you mean to me much more often in the near future. But, it might be wise for both of us to get a little more aerobic exercise in the coming weeks. I think we're going to need it.

Neko

posted at 09:37 PM :: permalink :: Comments (7)
filed under events

Sunday, January 02, 2005
remembrance and resolutions

My dear angel,

A new year is upon us, and it's traditional to review the past year and make resolutions for the coming year. With that in mind, I present this year's review, and my plans (bwa ha ha) for the coming year.

In the year 2004, I:
In the year 2005, I resolve to:

My darling angel, you make the days fun, and I plan to spend as much time as I can with you in the coming year. I hope your heart can take it.

Neko

posted at 01:17 PM :: permalink :: Comments (7)
filed under events

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