Home: September 2004 Archives

Wednesday, September 29, 2004
love and trust

Dear angel,

I've been thinking about trust today. It's been three wonderful months now, and my trust and admiration for you continues to grow. One of the wonderful things about the trust between us is that it lets us explore more things together.

Everyone that thinks about BDSM knows that the submissive has to trust her Dom implicitly. It's obvious to them that she has to trust him - after all, he's going to tie her up and/or beat on her with leather things or some such. If she doesn't trust him, why would she do this?

But have you considered the depth to which a Dom has to trust his submissive? When I tie you up, I have to trust you to use your safeword if something goes wrong. I have to trust you to stop me if I brush up against one of your boundaries, or inadvertantly say something that brings up painful emotional baggage. I have to trust a submissive not to go running to friends, family, or police, showing signs of being bound, bruises from being beaten, and the glue from duct tape around her mouth, and accuse me of abusing her. I have to trust that her emotional health is solid enough to withstand the rollercoaster that is BDSM, that she is doing this because she enjoys it, not because she doesn't think she has any choice.

There are too many ways that a BDSM relationship can get messed up if that trust isn't there. Before I took you as my own, I met many women who were interested in BDSM, but didn't understand the rules. Some didn't know that they could insist on safewords. Some thought that they had no rights as a submissive. Some thought that I would be completely responsible for them. Some that thought that their last lover was completely within his rights to beat her silly for not living up to his expectations, no matter how ridiculous they were. You'll note that I'm not with any of these women, even though they feel they're being totally submissive.

Everyone is responsible for their own choices. That's a fundamental rule of the universe, in my opinion. Everyone chooses to submit, and chooses how long to submit, and to what. We went through a negotiating period, before we even met, where we exchanged long emails to establish our compatability. We spoke for hours on the phone, engaging in innuendo, teasing, and frank discussions of what each of us expected. And this whole process was important. It began to lay the foundations of trust that our relationship is built on.

But once that trust is there, dearest angel, then the play begins to take on a more interesting aspect. Once I was sure that you'd use your safeword, that you take responsibility for what's happening to you as much as I do, then I could do things like ignore your pleading. I can continue to spank you even if you are crying and begging me to stop. I can take you in ways that you want, but are uncomfortable with wanting. I can take you suddenly, without warning or warm up, simply because I want to, and be secure that you can stop me with the use of the safeword. But you won't, because you love being taken suddenly as much as I love taking you.

I trust you, angel. I trust you with my heart, and I trust you with my sexuality. And I see how much you trust me every day we're together. I feel it every time I take you in my arms, every time I take control of you. I know you trust me, and I know you love me.

And I love you, too.


posted at 11:56 PM :: permalink :: Comments (9)
filed under musings

Monday, September 27, 2004
points and rules

My dear, squirmy angel,

When we first started going out, you did something particularly delightful, and I praised you for that. You asked if you got extra points for that, and I told you yes. But we've never really talked about what the points are good for, how you can get them, or what will lose them for you.

I know you've been after me to formalize this little game of ours, so I've gotten you a whiteboard to record your current point status upon. Currently, you sit at seven points. Here is the points menu you have been asking for. If you have any suggestions, let me know. (I may ignore them, but I'll definitely read them.)

Spending Points

1 point

2 points

5 points

Losing Points/Earning Punishments

10 strokes of my hand

10 strokes of the paddle

1 point

2 points

Earning points/Erasing deficits

1 point

2 points

3 points

5 points

Now, obviously, I'm going to do my best to keep track of the points you have. I'm looking forward to seeing what you spend your enormous points total on. And I know that you're going to have a high total because you're such a good, compliant submissive, aren't you, angel? You never talk back, or act rudely or inappropriately for your role in our relationship, do you?

Or should I be looking forward to what you'll do to earn more points to get you out of deficit? Because once you go below -5 points, I'll give you a choice of activities to perform to earn more points. And you'll have to choose between worse, and worst.

Love and spankings,


posted at 11:19 PM :: permalink :: Comments (2)
filed under events

Tuesday, September 21, 2004
passion and delight

Dear angel,

Have I told you lately that you look lovely in rope?

Our last encounter has been playing through my mind all morning long, and I keep flashing back to the look on your face when I tied you to the bed. It was a lovely combination of lust, concern, and anticipation.

Of course, this is the exact expression I was trying to invoke, so it was immensely gratifying. Every time I tie you up, your imagination begins working overtime, going through all the different things that I could do to you.

When I tie you on your back, I know that you start thinking of ways I'll tease your lovely breasts. You moan and squirm when I take your nipples into my mouth. I love the way your pussy grinds against me when I sit above you, gently touching you, driving you crazy. I can see in your eyes that you need my touch, that you need to be taken, RIGHT NOW - and I chuckle as I take my time.

When I tie your hands behind your back, I can see you start to get excited right away. You start thinking about being spanked, and about being teased without being able to touch me. When I push you onto the bed, when I start hitting your lovely ass, I can hear the excitement in your voice, and I stretch the moment out. Will I spank you with my hand? Will I get "The Paddle", or will I get that lovely flogger we bought together? Will I strike you hard, or HARD? And I watch as these emotions play over your face, and chuckle as you twitch in anticipation every time I touch you.

And then, when I start to spank you, your cheeks get that lovely shade of red. And they get SO sensitive to the touch afterwards. It's fascinating to see you get all swollen and wet as I spank you. You have such an amazing reaction when you're helpless and being spanked or flogged. It's very satisfying - not to mention arousing - to see that you're enjoying yourself, even when you're crying out in pain.

And afterwards, taking you finally, after all the buildup. Taking you hard, and fast, and hearing you cry out, and beg and plead as I pump my cock into you. I watch your face as I do all of this, and I love seeing the joy there, seeing the satisfaction as I fill you up. Watching as panic rushes across your face when I pause and make you beg me to continue. Watching the relief flood your eyes when I continue.

And afterwards, holding you in my arms, feeling you shudder as the aftershocks race through your body. Laughing at how shy you get over what you just did with me. Hearing your astonishment that I make you feel so wonderful. Feeling the heat of your skin against mine, as we both recover. Whispering naughty things into your ear as I hold you, and feeling you push against me in excitement.

There are so many ways that you make me happy, angel. Every day I thank the stars that I found you. Every day, I try to give back just as much joy.

Much love,


posted at 11:07 AM :: permalink :: Comments (0)
filed under observations

Thursday, September 16, 2004
perspective and improvisation

Dear angel,

It's always fun to take a walk through a department store now. For some reason, since I met you, I've been seeing the bondage possibilities of a surprising number of everyday things.

For example, walking through the tool department gets me considering the nefarious uses of clamps, bungee cords and rope. Small portable workbenches give me ideas of things to tie you to. Lumber and other building supplies start me thinking of furniture designs for bondage play.

Walking through the home decorating area shows me brushes, sponges, and soft cloths for sensation play, and paints for messy play.

The electronic entertainment area shows me large screen TVs, hand held video cameras, and digital still cameras.

The food aisle gives us chocolate sauce, cherries, bananas, grapes, and more. Messy, delicious, AND sensual.

The kitchen area gives us scissors, knives (for clothing - calm down!), wooden spoons, cutting boards, tea towels, counters, and tables.

In the men's department, we find belts and ties for bondage.

In the women's department, we find knee highs, lingerie, and short skirts.

The shoe department gives us high heels, in various styles and heights, mules, and sandals. Oh, and those little stools that the clerks sit on have possibilities too.

Furniture stores show us the amazing range of things to tie you to. Couches, futons, beds, desks, tables, chairs, coatracks, ottomans, and more are displayed for my lacivious imagination to use.

Bed and bath areas are no better - I see these departments and my imagination goes wild. Towels, shower heads, jacuzzis and towel racks in the bathroom. Sheets, both cotton and satin, let alone silk, capture my imagination, along with various beds.

In the lighting department, I'm fascinated by the possibilities. Imagining you, bound and helpless, under a variety of different lighting conditions. Would that spotlight alone be bright enough to make you feel watched? Would that set of track lights illuminate the area enough to make you feel more exposed? Would that mood lighting be dim enough to encourage your inner slut?

Yes, angel, I'm afraid that my mind tends to get preoccupied more and more as I spend time with you. It's a good thing that I'm good at multitasking, isn't it?


posted at 10:37 PM :: permalink :: Comments (0)
filed under musings

Saturday, September 04, 2004
separation and passion

Dear angel,

Separation sucks. I know, I know - you have to be there. I know you have to be there, and I want you to be there. But I miss you already. You're only gone one day, and already I wish you could come home and be with me.

It's quite amazing to me that you generate this kind of passion from me. I thought, after the events of the past few years, that I wouldn't feel this kind of passion again. But every time I talk to you, every time we're together, the flame is kindled higher.

Sometimes, it comes out as teasing. Our constant battle of wits is one of the things that both causes the passion, and expresses it. When we're deep in conversation, I find myself going out of my way to tease you and get you flustered. It's a game for me - see how quickly I can get angel groaning at a pun, or find out how red I can make you blush.

Sometimes, it shows in the way I look at you. When we're snuggled on the couch, and you look up at me with your beautiful eyes, I feel the passion. When you look up at me with lust burning in your eyes, I feel the passion. When your eyes plead with me because you can't... quite... reach my cock from your bound position on the bed, I feel the passion.

Other times, I know that you can feel it in my touch. When I pull your hair as I kiss you. When I hold you down and tease you with my mouth and cock. When I run my hand down your back while we walk down the street, and when I put my hand on the back of your head when we stand in line for a movie, I know you can feel the passion in my heart.

I've been blessed in many ways in my life, angel, but the day I met you was a special kind of blessing. You make so many things in my life better, and I do my best to show that to you.

I miss you, angel, and I hope you take care of yourself while you're gone.


posted at 09:04 PM :: permalink :: Comments (0)
filed under events

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