Home: October 2004 Archives

Friday, October 29, 2004
question and answer

Dearest angel of mine,

You asked me the other day if I would want you to wear my collar openly. I declined to answer, and gave you a point for making me think about myself. Because I have had to think about this before I'm able to answer it fully.

Part of me wants you to wear a collar in public. That's the part of me that wants to embarrass you because it turns you on, you naughty exhibitionist, you. I'd love to watch you squirm while you walked down the street with me. I know that your imagination would have you jumping every time someone looked at you, because you'd be sure that they noticed, and wondered. You'd also beam with pride because you're proud to wear my collar, aren't you, angel?

It's the same part of me that loves to whisper naughty threats or suggestions in your ear in public. Like the time we were waiting for our food to be made at a local sub shop, and I whispered to you that I was going to spank you when we finished lunch. You were absolutely sure that the guy making our subs had heard me, weren't you? And you were so amazingly turned on by it, and by your own reaction. I love to make you squirm and blush, angel, because you get so excited by it.

But then I start thinking about my reaction to other people forcing me to acknowledge *their* sexuality, and I reconsider. I support people of "non-mainstream" sexuality as a general rule. I don't care what they want to do, or who they want to do it to (up to a point, of course), as long as there is informed consent on all sides. Human sexuality is a complex thing, and there is no "one size fits all" plan. Throughout human history, there has been patriarchy, matriarchy, arranged marriages, love matches, male-to-male and female-to-female relationships, monogamy, polygamy, group marriage, open marriage, and celibacy. There are those that engage in fetish play (of astonishingly wide variety), bondage, sadism and masochism, spanking, dominance and submission, pain play, humiliation play, and more. In short, there are so many different ways that people get their rocks off, that I can't say, definitively, what mainstream is.

However, I'm a firm believer in the Golden Rule. (No, you brat, not "He who has the gold makes the rules...", the OTHER golden rule.) I try my best to treat others as I'd like them to treat me, and I don't necessarily want to know about my friends and co-workers' sex lives. I don't want to know that the person waiting at the bus stop with me is a foot fetishist. I don't want to know that the person serving me coffee at the local Starbucks likes to experiment with heavy duty needle play. And I don't care that the person taking care of my cat is seeing 5 men, and likes her boyfriends submissive, so that they can be bent over and spanked. As long as they maintain a professional attitude in their jobs, then I can live without the added drama of knowing what they do in their time off.

I like to speculate, though. I like to do a little free range peoplewatching, and try to figure out what people are like from how they act in public. But, as you know, I like a challenge. I don't like having someone else's insecurity flaunted in my face. I'm secure enough in my sexuality that I made it a criteria when I was looking. I've avoided relationships with vanilla women, because I *am* sure that BDSM play is part of me. I have some ideas, about some of my vanilla friends, and I have some concrete knowledge about some of my kinky friends. But I tend to keep my sexuality to myself, because it makes things simpler for those that *don't* want to know. And lets face it, not everyone wants to know what their friends do to get their rocks off.

So, in answer to your question to me, angel - I would love it if you wore my collar, in public, to a munch where other people involved in BDSM were meeting. I may one day take you to a play party wearing my collar, and make you watch as other folks climb up on spanking benches to play. I may tell you, one day, to get up on such a spanking bench yourself. But I think I'll get you something discreet to wear in public, to mark you as mine. Perhaps a small anklet, with a cat and wings, that you can wear 24/7. Think of it as my attempt to live by the credo of the Golden Rule.

However - be assured that you are mine, and I don't want to share you with anyone. I've been amazingly lucky to have you in my life these past four months, angel.


posted at 05:13 PM :: permalink :: Comments (9)
filed under musings

Monday, October 25, 2004
tips and revelations, pt. 1

Dearest, naughtiest angel of my heart,

I've been having an interesting email chat with Acapella, who wrote a heartfelt comment over on SpankingBlog, and I've been thinking about those unfortunate folks who haven't yet told their partners that they're submissive. In our case, these tips aren't necessary, but they might be helpful to some of the readers.

How to let him know you want to be spanked, without coming right out and saying so:

1. Write a letter to a fantasy Dom, telling him what you want to do. Then, screw up your courage and give it to him.

2. Buy a copy of Screw the Roses, and give it to him as a gift.

3. Have a friend write a letter of introduction to him as if he were a Dom.

4. Buy a copy of "The Secretary" and ask him to watch it with you. Afterwards, tell him that you thought the scenes where she gets spanked are hot, and ask him to do that to you.

5. Get drunk, and tell him, explicitly, what you want him to do to you. Then, confirm it when you're sober.

6. Make a video of yourself, asking him to discipline you, and describe in detail what you want him to do to you.

7. Write an erotic story about a woman being punished, and give it to him. If the first story you write isn't good enough, write another. Keep this up till you have a story that matches what you want, how you'd feel during and after, and why you'd want it.

8. Find the local BDSM community, via Bondage.com's IRC chats, and ask other submissives there how they came out to their SO's.

9. Buy some rope, a collar, and a spanking paddle, and be waiting, collared and naked on the bed for him to come home. When he arrives, tell him that you've been bad, and that you need to be spanked before you can be forgiven. (Make sure the rope won't give you rope burns, and is at least 3/8" thick - anything smaller will cut into you a little.)

10. Tell him to spank you when you are in the middle of sex. Don't worry about topping from the bottom. But make sure that you tell him afterwards that you'd like him to do that again, when HE feels like it.

11. Start writing a blog yourself, documenting your feelings, and exploring your reasons for wanting to be submissive and/or spanked. When you are more aware of the reasons behind these desires, and the seriousness of them, give him the URL and ask him to read it.

12. Have a female friend tell him that you need a good spanking to set you right.

13. Write out a list of things that you DO want, that you DON'T want, and ask him to do the same. You can use the BDSM profile on Bondage.COM for a template of things that are available.

Things NOT to do to the poor guy.

1. Hint that you want something more, but don't be specific. This is bound to frustrate him, and will make him insecure. That's unlikely to get him to take the lead.

2. Go out of your way to piss him off, hoping that he'll throw you over his knee. This is not the way society has trained us men how to deal with a woman.

3. Withdraw from him, hoping that he'll get forceful. He's more likely to figure that he's doing something wrong (instead of not doing something right) and it may actually make him seek out someone else.

4. Give him an ultimatum. Ultimatums are a bad idea, because they reduce everything to black or white. BDSM is not an all or nothing choice. You can include whatever parts of it that work for you into your life. There is no "One True Way". Your mileage may vary. ;-)

5. Ridicule him, hoping to make him lose his temper. As I've written other places, anger has NOTHING to do with D/s. I've put angel over my knee when she's needed it, but never in anger.

6. Seek outside satisfaction of your kink. For god's sake, if you can't tell him what you want, don't go looking for someone else to satisfy you. If its important enough for you to do that, then swallow your embarassment and tell him right out. Having been in the dating scene for a while, and having specifically identified what I like to do to a woman, you'd be surprised how many attached women try to find someone to do that for them instead of asking their partners to do it.

7. Get angry at him for not understanding what you want without you explaining it to him. Due to budget cuts, telepathy classes are no longer taught in high school. We men have to try to figure out what women want without the benefit of reading their minds. Men and women think differently. We respond differently to the same stimulus. What works for a woman probably won't work for a man. And vice versa. Vive la difference, however. That's what makes it fun to date the opposite sex.

Of course, the best way to reveal your submissive desires is to sit down with your partner, and try to explain it to them in a way that they can understand. If you aren't sure of your partner, and you're not comfortable with that side of yourself, you probably need to take more time to think about it, and you definitely need to explore that side of your partner.

What do you think, angel? Have I forgotten anything? I know how you let me know that you need a spanking. You start acting like a brat, and start teasing me. Or you start disobeying me like you did the other night, and touch yourself when you don't have permission. Or you start squirming away from me when I reach to tie you up.

I'm so glad that I found you, angel.


posted at 10:28 PM :: permalink :: Comments (10)
filed under observations

Thursday, October 21, 2004
surprise and ecstasy

Dear angel,

Were you surprised? I know you wanted me. We'd been having a nice quiet evening, until you decided that you wanted to show me some of the pictures you'd found over the years. I have to admit that it's nice to have a female companion that enjoys looking at erotic photography as much as I do.

But something was different for you that night, wasn't it? Somehow, looking at the pictures felt different for you. Was it because you wondered about how it was affecting me? Was it because I kept critiquing the bondage techniques shown in the pictures? Were you turned on by the sight of helpless women, like I was? Or were you suddenly imagining yourself as the subject of the picture?

I bet that was it. You were looking at those pictures, and imagining me doing those things to you, weren't you? You imagined yourself tied up, helpless, and teased by me, and it turned you on. I could feel you getting excited, as I sat next to you at your computer. Every time I pointed out something in a picture, you looked at it, and your breathing would change. You bit your lip as I pointed to the expresson on a model's face, and told you that she was enjoying herself. You moved your shoulders as I noted how tightly another model's elbows were pulled together.

And when I finally felt you were ready, I started questioning you.

"Are you turned on, angel?", I asked.

"Yes", came the shy answer.

"Do you want to be touched by me, angel?"

"Yes sir, I do", you replied, in a small voice.

"Do you want to be tied up like that, angel?"

A pause, and then you looked down at your lap and replied "Yes sir"

"Say please, angel"

You looked up at me, and I could see you struggle to say the words. Why I have this effect on you, I don't know, but I think it's adorable. Finally, you whispered your reply, "Please tie me up, sir".

I took you into the bedroom, and had you strip your clothes off. You weren't wearing much, of course, as we'd been playing earlier in the evening. But we didn't want to shock the neighbours too much, so you had a black top and short skirt on, and nothing else. I kissed you gently, and whispered in your ear.

"Take your clothes off, angel"

Your hands trembled as you pulled your top up over your head. I don't think you noticed, though. You quickly undid your skirt, and dropped it to the floor and looked at me for more instructions.

Oh, angel, do you know how beautiful you were in that moment? You looked at me with complete trust in your eyes. You were hungry for my touch, and eager for my direction. You were ready to do whatever I wanted of you, and at that moment, the hunger roared inside of me.

I hooked my fingers through the ring on your collar, and pulled you to me. I kissed you deeply, thrusting my tongue into your mouth, taking possession of it, and then pulled away. I put my mouth next to your ear, and growled to you.

"Get on the bed, and lay on your back."

Was that a hint of surprise on your face? Or was it just eagerness? You nervously got up on the bed, and laid back as I'd told you to do. You lay back with your arm across your belly, and your legs pressed tightly together. I turned away from you, and retrieved the bag containing my toys.

Your eyes widened, and your breathing quickened as I pulled the lengths of rope from the toy bag. It's a soft cotton rope that I purchased at a dollar store. Really, it's a bit thinner than I'd like to use, but, being cotton, it's wonderfully soft, and easy on your skin. As much as I like the look of ropemarks on your wrists and elbows, they can cause inconvenient questions from vanilla aquaintences and friends, and I didn't like to embarass you unnecessarily. Especially when I'm not there to watch your reaction.

I doubled up the rope, and reached for your ankle. You shivered a little as I pulled your foot off the bed, and wrapped the rope around it. You moaned a little as I wrapped the end of the rope around the bedpost. You shifted position as I pulled the rope taut, and tied it off. When I pulled the second rope out of the bag, and wrapped it around your other ankle, your eyes lit up.

You were enjoying yourself, weren't you angel? You knew that I was going to tie you helpless on the bed, and you were getting excited by the idea. My heart started to beat faster, as I tied your other ankle off to the bedpost. I reached down, and ran my hand up your thigh, revelling in the knowledge that you couldn't do anything about it. Eagerly, I climbed up on the bed, and moved my body over yours. I kissed your mouth, and your arms went around my shoulders.

I could feel your excitement as I ground my hips against your helpless ones. You held me tighter as you felt the coarseness of my jeans press against you pussy. You pushed your mound against my cock, and mewed in disappointment as I moved down your body, putting my groin out of you reach.

When my mouth found your nipple, you gasped, and I smiled to myself. You were so excited, angel, and I had plans for you. Plans that you weren't expecting. I smiled to myself as I licked and suckled your breasts, and then I moved further down your body.

I kissed your belly, and you moaned. I kissed your thigh, and you gasped. I kissed your pussy, and you shuddered. And as I settled in to work on your pussy, I could hear the reaction sweep over you. You're always uncomfortable when a man does that, aren't you angel? You like your cunnilingus in small doses, followed by the gratifying fullness of intercourse. But that's not what you were getting tonight.

I licked, and sucked, and probed you pussy with my tongue for a little while, then stood up. What was it in my eyes that tipped you off, angel? Was it the smile on my face, as I came around the bed? Was it the rope in my hands, as I reached for your wrist? Or was it my chuckle as I pulled your wrist towards the bedpost? It was most gratifying to feel you start to struggle as I wrapped the end of the rope around the bedpost.

When you looked at me and said "You wouldn't, would you?" I merely chuckled. I paused to let your situation sink in. I could see nervousness battle with lust, and nervousness won out.

"I don't think so," you said, with a smile, and hid your hand behind your back. Naughty girl, you know I love it when you struggle. With both feet and one hand already bound, there wasn't much that you could do to stop me, was there? You flailed your hand away from my grasp. When you tired of that, you tried to tuck it back under your body. But I wasn't playing fair. Seizing both your nipples, I started to pinch and roll them between my fingers.

Your eyes glazed over, and your body relaxed as the sensation washed over you. Your nipples are so sensitive, angel. As you were distracted, I quickly grabbed your other wrist and started to wrap the rope around it. You realized what was happening, but too late to save yourself. I quickly had you spread eagled on the bed, totally at my mercy. What a lovely sight you made, angel.

I quickly walked around the bed again, and settled myself between your thighs. With my fingers, I spread your pussy lips so that I could see my quarry. Already hard, I could see just the tip of your clitoris peeking out from your pussy. I moved my head forward, and gently pursed my lips. Gently, I sucked on your clitoris, and I could feel your reaction. I chuckled to myself when you moaned and tried to wriggle away from my tongue.

Quickly, I adjusted my position so that my arms were holding your hips in place. I started licking in earnest now, licking from your pussy,up over your clitoris, and back again. I could smell your excitement, and soon I could taste it as well. Your hips were starting to rock back and forth in my grasp, and you weren't trying to escape any more.

Soon, I started to run the tip of my tongue around your clitoris, doing clockwise circles. I knew that this was a favourite technique of yours when I used my hand, and I wanted to know if you'd have the same reaction when I used my tongue. I felt a shock go through you when you realized what I was doing.

"No, don't..." you started to say. But I switched to doing quick counter- clockwise circles, and the protest died before you could complete it. It was time to make sure you understood your position.

I stopped licking you, and raised my head a little bit. I looked at your face, and saw the arousal in your eyes.

"Don't what, angel?" I asked, reaching forward to suck on your thigh. You wriggled a little, and I looked at you again. "What is it you don't want me to do, angel? Don't lick you? Don't hold you?" My tongue darted forward before you could collect yourself enough to respond, and soon you began to moan.

"Oh God, Oh yeah" you moaned, over and over again. I alternated licking circles around your clit with slow probing licks of your pussy. Soon, your moans consisted of more "Oh God"s than "Oh yeah"'s. I slowed, and you moaned, thrusting your hips at my head. I used just the tip of my tongue to probe your clit, and you froze, concentrating on what I was doing.

I seriously considered stopping at that point. You know how i love to tease you. You know how I love to hear you beg. But I decided to see how big an orgasm you could have from my tongue. If I did everything right, then you'd be eager for me to do this to you again. It would be one more thing that I'd be right about with you. So, I returned to the task at hand, so to speak.

I began circling your clit with my tongue again. Periodically, I'd put my lips on it, and suck gently, before putting my tongue back to work. Soon, you were moaning incoherently, just a long wail of sound coming from you. I kept to my task until I felt the first shudder. At that point, I pushed a finger into your pussy, and began flicking my tongue back and forth across your clit. You went rigid, and continued wailing, but at a higher pitch. I wriggled my finger around inside you, looking for the G spot, and kept focussed on your clit. The shudders began again, and soon you went rigid, crying out to me.

I kept licking, and kept fingering you, until you cried out for me to stop. At that point, I pulled my finger from within you, but kept licking your clit until I saw the orgasm begin to fade. I stopped licking, and soon, I had untied your feet. As I came around the bed, I could see that your eyes were glazed and unfocussed. You didn't help as I untied your hands, and you were limp as I rolled you onto your side, and put my arm around you. It was 5 minutes or so before you spoke. In that time, I held you, I stroked you hair, and I told you how pleased I was with you.

And when you came to yourself again, you looked at me and I had to smile when you said "That NEVER happens to me.". I love a challenge, and I'm looking forward to next time angel. Next time, I won't stop at one orgasm.


posted at 01:01 PM :: permalink :: Comments (6)
filed under stories

Friday, October 15, 2004
skills and characteristics, pt. 2

Dear angel,

Here is a list of some things that I think a submissive girl, like yourself, should be able to do.







Self knowledge

And above all, love yourself as I love you, angel.


posted at 10:10 PM :: permalink :: Comments (5)
filed under musings

Wednesday, October 13, 2004
plans and ideas

Dear angel,

My fertile mind has come up with a list of 101 things to do to my darling angel.

1. Tie you up and tickle you till you scream
2. Tie you up and tease you till you cum.
3. Make you masturbate in front of me
4. Make you masturbate in front of the window
5. Record your voice while I play
6. Take you for a long walk, wearing your cuffs under a long sleeved shirt
7. Teach you to deep throat me
8. Write you dirty poetry
9. Spank you
10. Spank you while you're tied
11. Flog you while you're tied
12. Flog you while you're tied with a vibrator
13. Flog you while you suck my cock
14. Flog you while you're blindfolded
15. Flog you while you're gagged
16. Lick your pussy while you're on the phone with S.
17. Play with your breasts while you're on the phone
18. Make you suck my cock while I'm on the phone
19. Make you suck my cock while I'm on IRC...
20. ... and let you wonder what I'm saying about you
21. Make you wear your collar to Northbound Leather for a visit
22. Make you wear your collar to a movie theater for a show
23. Make you wear a crotch rope to a movie
24. Make you wear a crotch rope to dinner
25. Make you wear a crotch rope to dinner with YOUR friends
26. Spank you thoroughly before we go to dinner, so that your bottom is sore all through dinner
27. Make you remove your panties halfway through dinner
28. ... while at the table.
29. Go shopping for a remote controlled vibrator with me
30. Go shopping WEARING the remote controlled vibrator, with me.
31. Go shopping for sex toys with me
32. Go shopping for sex movies with me
33. Go shopping for BDSM toys with me
34. Go to the Everything To Do With Sex show
35. Take you and your friend S to the Everything To Do With Sex show
36. Buy stuff at the Everything Show, and make you show it to S
37. Make you take pictures of your sex toys, and send them to a friend
38. Make you write a dirty story about yourself, and send it to me
39. ... or to a friend
40. Gently Dom you in front of your friends
41. Overtly Dom you in front of your friends
42. Make you stand beside me on the subway
43. ... in a skirt, with no panties
44. ... and covertly touch you, late at night
45. Meet you at a bar, and have you come on to me, obviously
46. ... then take you out back and have you suck my cock
47. Sit behind you at a movie, and play with the back of your neck
48. Gently grope your ass on an escalator
49. Take you to a munch and introduce you to others in the community
50. Take you to a munch and make you wear your collar
51. Take you to a munch, and make you wear your collar and your corset
52. Take you to dinner in your corset
53. Flog you in your corset
54. Flog you in heels and stockings - and rope
55. Flog you till you cum, then fuck you hard
56. Fuck your breasts and cum in your face
57. Lay you over my lap, and play with your pussy while I watch TV
58. Lay you over my lap, and play with your pussy while I watch porn
59. Flog your back till you glow, then use the icecubes
60. Use icecubes on your nipples, then warm them with my mouth and tongue
61. Drip warm chocolate on your breasts, then lick it off
62. Drip warm chocolate on my cock, and have you lick it off
63. ... with your hands tied behind your back
64. Watch you nap, wearing your collar and cuffs, sated
65. Tease you to incoherence, tied to the bed, then stop
66. Fuck you in a men's room
67. Fuck you in a women's room
68. Fuck you in a stairwell
69. Fuck you bent over the couch
70. Spank you while you're bent over the couch
71. Read you a new, naughty story I wrote
72. ... while you're bound and helpless
73. ... and tease you mercilessly
74. Tie you to the bed, and bring you to orgasm orally
75. ... twice
76. Bring you to orgasm with my hand, then fuck you as you cum
77. Take your hair in my hands, and fuck your mouth
78. ... while you're tied
79. ... and blindfolded
80. Fuck you with a vibrator in your ass
81. Fuck you with a vibrator in your pussy
82. Fuck your mouth, while you have a vibrator in your pussy and in your ass
83. Use your eroscillator on you while you're tied
84. ... and blindfolded
85. ... and gagged
86. Bring you to the edge of orgasm, then stop, and take you out to dinner
87. ... then fuck you as soon as we get home
88. Write you a really good sex story
89. Surprise you by playing a recording of you during sex on my car CD player
90. Bring you roses and chocolate - and a new spanking paddle
91. Tie you helpless, then play with myself while you watch and can't touch
92. ... and cum on your stomach
93. Tie you to the balcony rail of your apartment
94. ... naked and collared
95. ... and tease you to orgasm, early in the evening
96. ... or flog you, late at night
97. Make you cum in the shower, with me
98. Gently wind my fingers in your hair, on the subway
99. Whisper what I'm going to do to you when we get home, while in line at the grocery store
100. Tell you how beautiful you are as I tease you
101. Tell you how much I love you as I make you cum with my fingers.

posted at 10:04 AM :: permalink :: Comments (12)
filed under musings

Monday, October 11, 2004
spanking and reasons

Dearest angel,

Why do I spank thee?

Let me count the ways...

When I start spanking you, there is a wonderful erotic sound that rises every time my hand contacts your skin. It varies, from the soft dull tap of my fingers, to the ringing clap of sound that rises when my whole hand hits your buttocks *just* right. And with each stroke, you make a corresponding sound. Sometimes it's a gasp, when the stroke stings. Sometimes it's a whimper, when it hurts a little. Sometimes it's a cry of pain, if the stroke is particularly hard. But after each little sound, you wriggle your ass, and present it to me again. And the whimper of anticipation that you make, between each stroke, when I'm stroking your burning cheeks with my hand, or with the paddle, seem to echo in my head when we're apart. If I close my eyes and listen, I can sometimes hear you making that sound, and it makes me want you, every time.

There's also something tremendously erotic about the sight of you bent over the bed, waiting for me to begin. Whether your hands are tied so that you are helpless, or untied so that you are obedient. Just the sight of your beautiful ass waiting for my touch, stirs me. Or when I've put you over my knee, and you hide your face in your hair, aroused and embarassed at the same time. And the way your pussy gets wet, and swollen, as I spank you, showing me exactly how much you are enjoying it, regardless of what you say at the time. That, my dearest angel, is a delightful, powerful, sight.

The feel of your weight over my knee, or the feel of my cock against your hot, sore cheeks drives me wild, you know. It strains my self control, every time I spank you, to see you, writhing and wanton on the bed. Seeing you wriggling, and feeling the heat rising from your skin, feeling the wetness of you, dripping against my hand, is almost enough to make me take you before I'm done spanking you. Feeling you wriggle back against my hand, as I probe your depths, as I spank you, as I dominate you, shows me how much my girl loves me, how much she trusts me, and how much she wants to be mine.

And that's the final reason I spank you, dearest angel. Because it makes you feel submissive. Because it makes you happy. Because it turns you on, and because it turns me on. Sometimes I spank you because I feel like it, because I want to be in control. Sometimes, I spank you because you want to be made to feel submissive. Sometimes I spank you because you're a brat, and you need to be kept in line. Sometimes I spank you because it gets you wet. Each and every time I do this, I do it with love. I do it because it's a part of us both. I do it because it's part of what makes our relationship work.

I don't spank you because I'm angry with you. I don't spank you because I want to hurt you. I don't spank you because you need to be punished. Anger does not mix well with Dominance and submission, dear one. When I am angry with you, we will argue. We will fight. We will air out what needs to be discussed. I may spank you because I am fed up with you being a brat. I may spank you because I think it will arouse you. But I won't spank you because I'm angry with you. Spanking, for me, is a way to show you that I love you. As messed up as that might sound, it's true. I spank you because I love you, angel.


posted at 02:30 PM :: permalink :: Comments (8)
filed under musings

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