Home: interruptions and withdrawl

interruptions and withdrawl

I'm suffering from withdrawl, I think, and it's my own damned fault. I don't get nearly enough time to do it, and the withdrawl symptoms aren't pretty to look at.

I get cranky for no apparent reason. I'm likely to fly off the handle at small irritations if I don't do it often enough. I find myself gritting my teeth, when I'm out in public and I see opportunities that I can't take. And lately, I've been fantasizing about what I would do if I had the time and concentration to indulge.

I used to do it almost every day. I used to be able to do it in under 20 minutes, from a cold start. But nowadays, it takes longer - sometimes much longer - if I can even get started. I tend to get lost in the middle, and often don't finish.

And the interruptions - God save me from interruptions. I'd started, the other day, and got interrupted by a phone call from work. Nothing ruins the mood like dealing with a cranky user, who's far from home, and can't figure out how to read the f@#$ing messages to connect to a wireless access point.

Another time, I started doing it in my office cubicle. Up till that point, it had been a quiet day, but as soon as I started, I got interruption after interruption. I eventually gave it up as a bad idea, and stopped - at which point the interruptions stopped as well.

And when I'm not being interrupted, my own sense of responsibility has been known to prevent me from even starting. I'll find myself contemplating it between tasks. During the boring parts of a long job, where you're waiting for something to download, or something else to install, I'll find myself doing a little bit of it, until I realize that if I continue, I'll most likely forget what I was doing. And since other people are relying on my efforts, that doesn't seem very fair to me.

Maybe I'll get a chance to do it next week, when I'm on vacation. In between trips to amusement parks and fairs, I might get an hour or two to myself. If I can just figure out how to be left alone for a little while, I know I could get a good start on it. And then, once I've got it going, I know I could finish for the first time in a month or so.

God, has it been that long? Let's see. There was the week I was.... then came the week that we... and I've been too tired this week... Yeah - it's been over a month. God - it hasn't been that long since we started dating, angel. I've been neglecting you terribly, haven't I? I know, I know - you're more worried about me, and how much I've been working, but it hasn't been fair to you, either.

After all, I know how much you love reading these letters. I promise to try harder to find time to write them to you, angel.

(What did you think I was talking about, you naughty girl?)

Neko

posted at 08:28 AM :: Comments (2)
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