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balance and afterwards

Dear angel,

Do you know that you glow after we end a scene? I can tell how much you've enjoyed yourself by how much you glow. Sometimes, afterwards, I like to sit back and watch you come down from the high of subspace. I like to watch as you fit the pieces back together, and come back to yourself. And as I watch, if I've done things right, and the scene's gone well, I feel a swell of pride and a burst of wonder.

Some of it is simply pride in my abilities - I've done a good job, and I enjoy seeing it's effects on you. I know, it doesn't sound very romantic, but I like to do things well. Some of it is pride in you - if you've done something new, or if you've done well at something that was difficult for you to do previously. I know you like to please me, and I know that you try hard, so when you succeed, I'm proud of you. But the rest of it is mixed with a sense of wonder and gratitude that I have you in my life to share these experiences with. And, in that afterglow, I want to hold you, and touch you, and feel you come back to yourself, and to me.

Every time we do a scene together, I try to push you past the edges of what you're aware of as your limits. I keep trying to find new things about you that I see but you're unaware of. I keep trying to give you the experiences you've told me that you are curious about, or that you fantasize about, or that scare you and fascinate you at the same time. Once I find the limits, I carry you past them, and into a new experience.

And, when I do it right, you melt in front of me, throwing yourself into the experience, and riding the waves of sensation. I can see it in your eyes. I can hear it in your cries of passion. As you get deeper and deeper into subspace, you begin losing your hesitation and ignoring your inhibitions. You begin to push past your own limits. Then I have to be ready to pull back, to keep you from going too far before you're ready.

It's a delicate balancing act, keeping you on that edge, between farther and too far. I know, from our talks and from my own observations, that you want to experience more, and I know some of the things you want to experience. But some of these things I know you're not ready for, so it's up to me to maintain the balance. I hold you back from some places that we both lean towards. Because I want you in my life for a long time, angel.

I want to keep having these experiences with you, and sit in the afterglow, holding you as you put yourself back together. I want to do that for a long time, angel.


posted at 08:45 AM :: Comments (5)
filed under musings

comments on this entry

Hey i only found your blog a few days ago and fuck me silly, i wish i was your girl i want a man that can love me and punish me without me feeling insecure or scared!

Keep on writing i love it!

— posted by: Anette on July 14, 2005 09:23 AM

that was so nice to read, thanks. i hope that my Dom feels that way with me... i think I will share this with him.

— posted by: susannah on July 15, 2005 12:25 PM


I'm putting together a book and I'd like to feature a few quotes from your blog (in the book).

Let me know, and thanks! Please contact me so I can offer you compensation as well.

Violet Blue

Violet at tinynibbles dot com

— posted by: Violet Blue on July 25, 2005 06:00 PM

ooooh, i just found your blog today. I'm so glad I did! BEAUTIFUL. I admit...i'm going to pretend that your letters are to me (hee-hee!)

— posted by: rubyprincess on August 8, 2005 06:23 PM

You have a great blog! The writing is from the heart and soul.. that is a very good thing.

— posted by: HIM on August 16, 2005 09:03 AM


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