Home: denial and labels

denial and labels

Dear angel,

I'm so happy that I've found you. But I have to confess something to you. I have to admit a terrible fact about myself. I am not a Dom. Well, I don't think of myself that way, anyways.

You see, whenever I think of "A Dom", I get a picture in my head of someone wearing leather, carrying handcuffs, and swinging a whip or a paddle. Someone that doesn't relate to his partners, and has strict, arbitrary rules for them, which he enforces with glee. A man much more interested in taking pleasure from his partner, than in the giving of pleasure. And I don't think that's anything like me at all.

It's funny, because most of the dominant men that I've met in this lifestyle aren't like that. But that's the image that persists in my head whenever the word Dom arises in conversation. And that makes me think about my own preconceived notions about Dominants, submissives, and other kinky folks. What are these notions, and where do they come from? And more importantly, how can I work on them to ensure that I treat people as individuals, and not stereotypes?

To clarify my self image: When I think of myself, I picture a kinky, average looking man, who likes to tease and control willing women. I think of myself as curious, and always looking for new experiences to share with you. I have read a great deal of material on BDSM, and tried many different things over the decades. But I've never really thought of myself as a Dom.

Interestingly, I don't think of you as a "sub". You're my girl, my kinky, submissive girlfriend, my partner, and my equal. Yes, I know, many others who read this may be surprised that I think this way, but you are my equal in this relationship. (Gads - I said a chick word - "relationship"! They're going to take away my union card if I keep this up. ) I want an equal partner. It makes your submission sweeter if I respect you. It makes it more delicious for both of us, I think. And after all, if I didn't respect you, then why would I want to be with you?

Human relations are complicated, and frequently muddled by the opinions or rules of others. I make a conscious effort to define myself by what I do and don't do, what I will and won't accept of myself. It's a very self contained philosophy, and not easy to maintain. There are always people who will tell you what you are supposed to do, what you should call yourself, and what you do that is outside of their definition of you. I've never been comfortable being labelled. I'm Neko, just me. You're my angel, and I cherish every hour I spend with you, no matter what we're doing. And that's what makes this so wonderful for me.

I am your Neko, the one who wants to take you every time he sees you. The one who wants to make you cry out in your bedroom, alternating between begging for more, and fearing for it. The one who loves to play with rope, and leather, and cold metal chain. I'm the man who wants to hold you and cuddle with you, and tease you when we're out together. The man who wants to protect you, and comfort you, and make you crazy with desire.

You're my angel, the woman who wants to please me, who wants to spend time with me. You're the woman who I want to please. The woman that wants me to touch her, softly and gently sometimes, and other ways at other times. The woman who wants me to hold her, and to hold her down. A woman who wants me to take my pleasure from her, and rejoices in the pleasure that I give to her.

We walk together, each leaning on the other. And I thank you for every moment that you spend in my life, angel.


posted at 03:37 PM :: Comments (0)
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